


Realizing mistakes

by MerlinDK99



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dream Team SMP Setting (Video Blogging RPF), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Dadza, Dream realize what he has done, Dream tries to fix things but its not gonna go that great, Egg is sealed for now, How Do I Tag, Mild Gore, Multi, No three lives, Phil is dad, Realistic Minecraft, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, Technoblade is familie friend, Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, english is not my first language, ill tag as the story progresses, im bad at tags, im not gonna tag all the characters now, maybe ill do it later, no beta we die like wilbur, one realistic life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:22:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29136240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerlinDK99/pseuds/MerlinDK99
Summary: Dream should have realized what he had been doing months ago, he could have stopped all the pain a long time ago.But he didn’t.He had been so stupidly blind, he realized that now.But what did it take?Everything….
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter.
> 
> Lets start with what most dsmp fanfics write in there stories... 
> 
> English not first language it is!

I hurt myself deeply, though at the time I had no idea how deeply. I should have learned many things from that experience, but when I look back on it, all I gained was one single, undeniable fact. That ultimately I am a person who can do evil. I never consciously tried to hurt anyone, yet good intentions notwithstanding, when necessity demanded, I could become completely self-centred, even cruel. I was the kind of person who could, using some plausible excuse, inflict on a person I cared for a wound that would never heal

Quote by -Haruki Murakami

…..

\--------------------------

Chapter one : Heavy Pressure

\--------------------------

Dream should have realized what he had been doing months ago, he could have stopped all the pain a long time ago.

But he didn’t.

He had been so stupidly blind, he realized that now.

But what did it take?

Everything….

————————————————

“Just say it already! say you hate us!”

The sun was slowly going down behind him, its last rays landing on the three people in front of him, making them shine,

And making a dark and ominous shadow fall over his front and mask at the same time.

“Fucking look us in the eye for once, just this once, and tell us how two discs and winning a stupid war is worth more than me and Sapnap, Dream!”

George hissed and pointed a finger at himself sending shivers down Dream’s spine, his grip on his trusty axe tightened, his knuckles turning white at the intensity of the grip.

“I Don’t hate yo-“ 

“BULLSHIT!” 

Sapnap cuts him off as he stands beside George, his eyes harden into a furious glare.

“Stop fucking lying!”  
George folds his arms in front of him with a matching glare of his own behind his goggles.

The last person still behind them leaning against a lantern post with his head down.

Quackity’s smug smile doesn’t go unnoticed by Dream.

“His loving this, that asshole...”  
Dream thought glaring from under his mask at the blue beanie wearing male.

He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes, how can they be so blind, his doing all of this to protect them, they are all Dream has left, his best friends….

His only friends..

“You really fucked up didn't you?”

The voice hissed in the back of his mind, another shiver shakes it way through him, this wasn’t what was supposed to happen, can’t they just see what he's doing is for the best of everyone.

They Have to understand.

“Please just listen to m-“ “LISTEN TO YOU?!” 

He flinched at the unexpected loud volume of Quakity’s voice.  
“Like when you told your best friend that he could be king?!, and you dethrone him not even a month later?! Ha yea what a wonderful friend you are!” 

Quackity hissed as he pushed himself from the post and walked to stand by George’s other side.

The little voice whispers in agreement.

Dream’s heart beats loudly in his ears, “stay out of this asshole” he hissed at the other male, “the adults are talking,” getting one more glare in return for his insult.

The small voice gently hissing in his head, telling him that the loud male might be telling the truth.

“You motherfucker!” Quackity says as he begins to unsheathe his iron sword, George grips Quackity’s shoulder, stopping him from going at the masked man.

“He's not worth it Quackity” Sapnap said glancing at the other, venom in his voice as he looked back at Dream again, the glare didn't leave his face..

“Sapna-“ 

“No...” again Dream gets interrupted as he tries to talk to his two best friends.

His losing them, his losing control.

“We’re done” George turns and begins to walk away.

“What? Where are you g-going?!” He mentally curses himself for stuttering, he shouldn't show weakness, no he can’t, he has to be strong, have to win, can't stop now.

“Stop…….please”

“You have to listen to me, i have a reason for what i did!”

He did have a good reason, yea a great reason, yes nothing bad, only….only a good reason.

His words make George stop a few feet away, Sapnap and Quackity still standing on the same spot, still glaring at him.

“It feels right...he did promise George he could be king”

But what if someone wanted to hurt him, use him? he can't let that happen, it can’t happen, it wont….

“Listen...to...you?” Dream almost didn’t hear George’s cold low voice.

A beat of silence goes through the air, it's only the four of them on the wooden walkway somehow, no one else around, Dream doesn't know if he should be happy for that.

“I'm not gonna listen to a monster…”

Dream takes a quick shuttered breath through his teethes at George’s words.

Shocked by his best friend's words, his muscles tense up more than before. 

No he's not a monster, he was trying to keep everyone safe, he was always trying to keep everyone safe.

He did it for them, no pain! yes, no pain, never.

“You're wrong” Dream whispers, his voice cracking, he can’t see George’s expression even when male slightly shifts his head to the side, a loud scoff makes it out from between Sapnap’s lips as he turns away and begins to walk away, passing George as he goes, his shoulder tense.

“I'm not...im not a monster” Dream says louder this time.

Sapnap doesn't stop walking.

“Not a monster?” George begins.

Dream’s hands are slightly shaking, praying the others don’t notice.

Can’t show weakness, can not show....weaknesses.

“But they are your friends, you can show weakness to friends..”

Then why does he feel so alone right now?

“So you telling me that someone that isn't a monster normally would start a war as soon as he loses a little patch of land, and manipulate a weak minded boy too exile his best friend for burning down a building”

George hadn't been that angry about losing his house, sad maybe but not angry.

He had quickly forgiven them, when he had seen the guilt in the two teens eyes when he had asked them about it, but Dream hadn’t cared….

He keeps talking.

“Even after said best friend had watched his own brother go mentally insane over months in a dark underground hidden base, after they both had gotten exiled from their own home they fought so hard for”

A bang of shame runs through Dream's chest.

I don’t like this..please stop..”

George turns his head fully facing him again, his face blank.

“Not enough with that, the kid has to watch his own brother get killed out of mercy by his own father figure right after the land they just won back again!, had been blown up by another person he trusted so much”

Even if Tommy never had said it out loud, everyone could still see how much Techno’s betrayal had affected the boy.

“..........”

“Do you still think you're a good person?”

His shoulders are shaking, why are they shaking.

Dream finds himself staring at the wooden planks under his boots, when did he let his eyes leave George?

“It sounds so bad, he didn’t mean too, I didn’t mean...it wasn’t...no”

He had exiled Tommy so he could learn a lesson, but the teen had been so stubborn not wanting to hear the lesson Dream was trying to teach him.

“But he had just lost everything, h-...i could have waited, let him grieve in peace...around the last happiness he had left”

No his not a monster, they tried to steal land for him, (they asked for independents) they fucking made people join them, made them see him as a power hungry tyrant!

“well making the enemy fear you do make you look like one”

He gave them the land when he realized his friends were growing tired.

“You never told them that's why you gave up”

He didn’t wanna show them weakness!

“They're your friends...talking about things like that shouldn’t be seen as weak”

No shut up, they have so much to think about already, they don't have time for a guilty and ashamed man.

“……”

“Thought so…”

Dream takes a shaky breath as George’s low voice pulls him out of his fight with his own inner voice.

Slowly tilting his head up just a bit, he sees George looking at him, with a slightly softened expression still holding a glare as he watches him closely, almost like he’s looking for something.

But when Dream doesn't move or make a sound, he turns around to follow Sapnap, Quackity mutters one last quiet death threat at Dream before jogging to catch up to the blonds ex-best friends.

Dream almost falls to his knees right then and there, but instead sheaths his axe and turns around and throws a pearl towards the docks.

——————————————————

It's dark outside, the full moons light white and blinding as ever, the sound of loud gasps and boots against dead leaves can just be heard over the sound of rattling bones and moans of the undead.

He just lost everything, the thought keeps bouncing around Dream’s head in loops as he dodges arrows and rotting hands left and right, his not in the right mindset for fighting.

“Monster…”

He's beginning to believe the stupid voice.

Finally Dream sees a very familiar mountain side, and slows down into a jog as he heads towards it.

The mobs behind him have given up chasing the fast young adult minutes ago.

Slowing to a stop before the high mountain side he lifts a shaking hand to a small hidden crack and pushes a finger in and a low click can be hear, he takes a step back as the wall before him begins to crack open, letting a orange light wash over his shaking and crooked form, he lets out a low whine as he hugs himself close.

And as he waits he tries to collect himself by taking a deep breath.

When the crack is big enough for him he pushes himself in between the cold stone and into his hidden base.

Using his weight and shoulder he pushes another button on the wall to his right making the hidden door slowly slide close again behind him.

He stands there for a minute glancing around at the touches an naturale wines still hanging in the same place from when he first discovered this hollow mountain.

His heart beats loudly in his chest.

His thoughts are going wild as he walks towards a black stone platform in the middle of the big cave.

His legs are getting so heavy.

Everything hurts

The voice in his head whispering that maybe he deserves that pain..

A whimper sneaks its way out his lips as he sets foot on the elevator and pushes another button on a small pillar. The click sound it makes makes the green hooded male close his eyes tightly as he feels the ground beneath him begin to shift.

Why did he let everything get so bad!?

“You know why!”

“We deserve this w-we deserve it so much, hate, the hate, they hate us, we- I failed, i'm a failure im a-im a-a, im a”

“.......monster..”

Pain explodes in his chest.

His hands flew up to grab a fist full of his dirty blond hair pulling it, digging his fingers into his scalp painfully in an attempt to stop the voice, his hood falls back at the movement.

“ShutUpShutUpShutUp-SHUT UP!!”

The yell bounces off the walls as a wave of immense heat surrounds his body, making Dream open his eyes.

A big room reveals itself in front of him.

He falls on his knee, he can't keep his breath under control, why cant he breath?

He sits there on the black brick platform staring out at nothing as it continues to travel down, the purple light from a nether portal is reflecting on to two golden platforms on each side of the portal, they each have a pedestal in the middle of them, they both display one Disc, they are places in a way that made the black plastic surface showed a small reflection of himself sitting shaking and hyperventilating on the now still platform as it finally stopped.

Those discs…

What the fuck had he been thinking when he took them?

Control…

It had always been about control.

He shakingly stands up and walks down from the platform, almost falling over his own tired legs more than once.

Tommy loved those discs so much, he would have done anything for them…..

And he did, but it had brought so much pain, he had gotten angry and depressed when Dream had made him choose.

“He was such a good kid..”

“He still is..”

Dream muttered to himself out loud after he took a deep breath, as he keeps walking towards the portal slowly.

He really was a monster…

He wanted everyone to get along as one big family.

But then he got angry.

Then he got Eret to betray their own country by promising them control.

Dream falls on his knees again, now sitting in the middle of the room.

Then he made Tommy so angry, the kid wanted to duel him, and he accepted.

He accepted, and fucking shot a kid, If he had aimed just a little lower…

Dream feels a wave of nausea wash through his stomach, making him almost throw up, but stops it by placing one of his shaking hands over his lips, not seeing the small drops of blood under his nails.

A wet cough comes out of him instead, he shakes his other arm around his stomach shakingly.

He bends forward making his head hang close to the ground, as he keeps switching between coughing and wheezing trying to get his breathing under control.

“But that's not all…”

No……..it's not.

He made Tommy choose between his most prized possessions and winning a war.

Dream never asked why Tommy loved those discs so much.

Maybe they had been a gift? he knew he would never get an answer for that question.

Dream’s vision is slowly becoming more and more blurry as he keeps fighting to breathe.

He have given them there independents by getting to keep the discs, he gave up, he choose to give up control and let them have there little family, Dream choose to turn his back to that stupid country and look after what he had left.

Letting them have their peace...letting them be happy, after seeing his own family that had his back in first war become tired, he stopped for them.

He didn’t even say that's what made him decide, no he made himself look like a tyrant that wanted to get something priceless from the enemy in return for peace and quiet.

He let them get away with breaking one of his only few rules, so of course he wanted to rub salt in their wounds.

By taking something important from them.

“You should have taken something from Wilbur not Tommy, Wilbur was the one that started it not Tommy!”

The voice was right, he went after Tommy, a kid, he went after a child instead of the person that actually started it all.

Dream made Tommy pay the price for a war that he only fought in, yes he was Wilbur’s right hand man, of course he was!

They were brothers for fuck sake!

He then turns his back on them, letting them do what they want.

Then the election happened.

They wanted that Schlatt guy.

Dream let them….

Then that psychopath…...

He somehow won the election, charming people into voting for him, and then he manipulated Quackity, no one saw it coming.

He could have stepped in when Wilbur and Tommy was running for their lives, he could have jumped between when Wilbur got shot.

He could have stopped all of it.

But he didn’t, he couldn't, he had still been so angry.

Then Schlatt came to him wanting to make a deal.

“I think your gonna like what i have in mind!” 

“.....what did you have in mind?”

“I'm glad you ask Greeni!”

“Don't call m-“ “so i have this book…its very special too”

And it had been a very special book.

He accepted the deal, got the book and fought on the psychopaths side, dragging his friends with him into another war.

Then he had stumbled across a clearly broken Wilbur, asking him to help end the one thing that had kept Dream from achieving his one wish.

His one stupid wish.

“You can’t tell people to be a family if they don't want one...”

Dream blinks, straightening his now aching back, moving both his hands to hover over the ever so cold clay mask.

He hesitates for a minute as he debates against himself.

“……..”

Then he hooks his trembling fingers between the white smooth underside of the mask and his freckled face and slowly takes it off.

Drops of sweat quickly form on his forehead as the material that normally keeps out the immense heat disappears, he lowers his arms.

He turns the mask, and is met with an unsettling smile, purple and orange lights dancing around on its surface, he sees a blurry form of his own face, noting a big scare running from his right eyebrow over his nose and ending under his left jawline.

He lifts a hand and tracks it with a finger.

And as the young man stares with unshed tears in his eyes at himself, flashbacks begin to dance across the mask's white surface.

Happy and light voices and laughter slowly changing to anger and heavy hearted once screams.

He lets the mask slip from his hands, making it hit the floor, he lets out a loud gasp as another painful jolt of pain spreads from his chest, digging itself deep into his heart and lungs.

He shuts his eyes with a wince.

Hands finding his face and hair again.

What has he done…..the voices dosen stop.  
“Dream?”

“Dream what are you doing?!”

“You want to do what?”

“What the FUCK went through your head Dream?!”

“This doesn’t feel right...”

“Jeez you're selfish, you know that right?”

“Stop it! W-why are you doing this?!”

“Just tell us you hate us!!”

“D-Dream?”

“YOUR MONSTER YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?!”

“Its-its gone….its all g-gone…”

“Are you happy now?”

“W-why?!”

“I’ll build it, but it's not because I want too..”

“I won't listen to a monster..”

“Duckling….wh-..why did you do that?”

Dream blinks as the voices stop, and he lets out a broken sob, his shaking even tho lava is flowing down the walls around him.

Tears are freely falling down his face now, as everything finally comes crashing down around him.

For the first time since that day he declared war, Dream finally realized that he…….he made mistakes, he made so….so many mistakes.

L’manburgs wish for independence didn’t break people’s connection with each other.

……..

He did….

——————————————————


	2. Find the light in your broken heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning of self-harm...
> 
> And Dream...yea... his not doing so great..

Dream doesn't realize what he's been doing before a loud ba-he’) takes him slowly back to reality, making his distorted mind come back to him.

Tinnitus ringing loudly in his head, like someone just detonated tnt right in front of him.

What happened?

Everything's a blur for him, orange, and purple colors are swimming over his vision, sliding over each other in a wavy motion.

He feels cold, he can feel his muscles pulsing under his skin in an unsteady beat.

The young adult's pupils dart back and forth not focusing on anything, blinking them rapidly to try and get his vision back.

There's a painful thumping in his head.

The echo of angry and hurt voices begins to shout at him, pictures rapidly flys by, memories are coming back like the unsteady beat going through his muscles.

‘Okay, okay...breath’ Dream thinks to himself, he needs to get it together.

The voices are all static, some words he remembers being said to him others are made up words he never heard being said to his face... at least not out loud, but Dream is sure that people had thought of them.

Why wouldn’t they…

‘Monster’ they all begin to chant at the same time, everything is still blurry.

‘Remember what I taught you?’

He lets out a startled gasp in surprise at the ghostly voice. 

Its voice drowns out all the other ones.

The soft tone makes him wanna cry, but he doesn’t have any tears left, the last of them is dried upon his freckle face.

“Can you name five things you can hear?”

What? Why does it wanna know tha-...  
Dream tries to think, but he can’t? Everything is...it's blank but not?  
he can’t feel his body only the unsteady beat, is the unsteady beat his heartbeat?

He didn’t think about that, why can’t he think?!

why..why can’t he focus?!

Is he still in the lair?

“Please tell me five things you can hear, please?”

Dream closes his eyes to focus on what the voice is telling him, what feels like a hand begins to slowly rub big calming circles on his back, and a familiar low humming can be heard from somewhere behind him.

“So- someone’s hummi-ng” it hurts to talk, his mouth felt like sandpaper his words came out scratchy sounding it sounds like its coming from behind a wall of cotton, he got a hum of approval in return, “m-my breathing I can hear myself b-bre-ath” a second goes by, “ i- I can hear a p-portal”.

“You’re doing great..”

“I can hear flowing lava?” he wasn’t sure but if the orange light was something to go after it should be, the hand goes up to softly tangle itself in his messy hair sending a shiver down his spine from the cold feeling.

Another distant ba-he can be heard from somewhere.

“Sheep... I hear a sheep” he can hear the sound from the portal clearer now.

“ That’s it, you doing great..., now tell me four things you can smell”

This time it's easier for him to talk, and he follows the voices I instructions.

“Burned stone” another hum of approval “farm animals”..... a second goes by the hand still calmly going through his hair, “sulfur?” The smell must be coming from the portal.

Dream takes a deep breath through his nose trying to find the last smell, “m-metal?” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“There you go….” the voice said in a happy tone “Now tell me three things you can feel..” it says ignoring his confused tone, he must have smelled something else?, he chooses to continue going along with what the voice asked as it clearly was trying to help him get his focus back.

He ignores the small voice saying that something is wrong and focuses instead back on his surroundings.

He can feel the immense heat now.

“I feel warm” 

Again a hum of approval, the hand moves from his hair to giv one last ghostly stroke down his spine before disappearing.

“I fe-!”

Dream jerks his head up, a loud gasp escapes his lips, eyes flying open as pain explodes over his face, his hands…

They are on his face.

The ringing sound comes back louder and there's a painful pounding in his brain.

His hands….his hands...they are stuck.

He tries to take them off his face more pain explodes over his face making him cry out, Dream closes his eyes and takes deep breaths to brace himself, he needs to get his hands free.

He begins to move them.

He can hear his own scream, it sounds far away it sounds muffled like his voice had sounded before, he can feel his throat protesting. 

He must really be screaming loud, even if he knows nobody should be around he still prays nobody has stumbled across his nether portal.

He really has to keep going.

It hurts, it really hurts as he slowly tries to loosen the death grip his hands have on his face, the pain running over its surface as if thousands of big needles are getting violently stabbed deeply into his flesh repeatedly, the sploshy wet sound in his ears aren’t really helping either.

The uncomfortable feeling of skin, flesh and blood glued to his fingers and nails was getting too much as he tried to move them, but he couldn’t stop.

He takes a deep breath and bites down on his already numb lower lip, the taste of blood exploding on his tongue even if he hadn’t bitten hard enough to break skin.

Winching violently and letting out small whimpers as the sticky blood lets go of one finger at the time, the pain is too much, if he still had any tears left he would be wailing right now.

It didn’t help that he can feel liquid beginning to run down from where the fingers have been digging into flesh.

The young adult lets out one last loud gasp as he jerks his head back in a fast motion making the last finger let go of of the skin and making his face face the high ceiling of the lair, letting out shaky breaths Dream opens his eyes slowly after what feels like a few minutes, the feeling of the liquid now sliding down his neck too makes him shiver, it feels ice cold against his skin, while his face feels uncomfortably hot.

How long has he been sitting and holding his head like that, the memories between his pathetic breakdown and now is blank in his mind.

He is not sure….he moves his head away from the ceiling to look at his hand.

What he saw makes him freeze, every single one of his muscles spent uncomfortably and all sounds around him disappeared all at once leaving him in silence.

His hands were a deep red, there were big spots of still fresh blood, but he couldn’t care. His fucking hands was covered in blood, his blood, there wasn’t a single spot of clean pale skin on the palms of his hands

There was so much blood, it was worrying, is he bleeding to death right now?

Dream doesn’t know how long he sat there just staring at the bloody mess in front of him, he really doesn’t wanna see his face but he knows that he has to move at some point. 

He slowly moves his eyes away from looking at his hands, his eyes are so uncomfortable...he pushes his hands down putting them on to the ground, there was tiny pools of blood on the floor underneath him he noted, trying to give himself some neede support he slowly moves and begins to stand up on his legs, they feel like jello as he stands.

Everything hurts.

Dream tries to take a cautious step in front of him, his legs gives out right away making him let out a startled welp and he would have fallen down onto that hard floor if something fluffy hadn’t gotten in the way, his hands flew up instinctively gripping at…..blue wool?

Shining yellow square-y eyes are looking up at him from under his left arm.

His eyes widened in surprise and shock.

Where did?....

His voice cracking as he talked “H-how did..how did you get out?” He asked in confusion thinking at how the blue sheep could have gotten out of its cage.

He glanced down the hall where said cage was and another pair of eyes met his gaze, these ones fully black with a shine to them.

“Ba-ah!” He flinched as the loud ba-ah was yelled right into his ear. 

“ i- ehm…” he looks down at the sheep again “th-thank you?” The sheep gives his side a soft nudge in response almost like a ‘your welcome’ 

Dream takes a deep breath and slowly stands up again this time being more wary on his legs and he begins walking testing his balance, the sheep taking a few steps in front of him watching his every move, he lets out a dry hollow chuckle at the sight, the corner of his mouth trembling upwards the pain is almost a numb feeling as it goes through his cheek.

This sheep is the first living creature that showed sympathy towards him after months with no one else, the last person that had been anywhere close to being that had been…. Dreams smile falters as he thinks back.

Back to when...someone was nice to him, someone that hasn't given up on seeing him as… a person.

Dream closes his eyes, guilt rips through his chest giving his heart another tight squeeze, his lips trembling more, he didn’t deserve the kindness the sheep is giving him.

He was a monster after all, one that had made everyone around him miserable whatever they were close to him or not he had brought pain.

A soft nudge to his waist makes him open his eyes again, however his gaze doesn’t land on his little friend, no what he sees instead is a white and purple colored disc.

His face reflected on its surface like before but, this time he couldn’t recognize himself.

What he saw would probably make most people turn away in horror, all across his face was deep bloody scratch marks, not clear cuts but marks that clearly looked like someone had keep scratching again and again, and again, his cheeks are cut open he can see pink red flesh clearly it's a big surprise that he could still see as clearly as he could, his eyes and eyelids was only a little red from irritation, blood is still slowly flowing down his face.

He takes a cautious step towards the disc entranced by his own reflection. But the sound of something getting scrapped across the floor breaks the trance and makes him look down, again his meet with his reflection but this time it's on the grey-ish white surface of his mask the white almost gone from all the ash and a few drops of dried blood, a small single crack going almost all the way across its surface.

Picking it up was hard with shaking legs and slippy fingers, but after a couple tries and a sore back Dream was now holding it in close to him, his reflection was...oh good why doesn’t it hurt more, it looks like he should be laying on the floor rolling around screaming in pain.

The boy bows his head hiding his face from the light, and lets out a dry giggle.

Why doesn’t it hurt?! It should hurt, he deserved the pain didn’t he?, why...why wh-. He hadn’t realized he had moved one of his hands away from its grip on the now bloody mask and began digging his fingers into the left side of his face, fingers spread wide, each one sliding into a wound and opening it up more.

The pain was unbearable, it almost felt relieving….good.

“Monster” he whispers to himself.

He really did only bring pain.

He needs to fix it, nobody (only he) deserves to suffer from those mistakes he has done trying to keep everyone safe.

He clipped the mask onto his belt.

He turns his head towards the sheep that was still looking up at him with blank eyes, bending down and shakingly gives it a sad smile “let's get you and your friend home..”

He then takes his water container out from the bag on his hip, washing his face and hands harshly until most of the caked up blood was gone taking a short gulp of water for his throat and whips the mask a few times, the next thing he does is turn towards the dark tunnel that's only lid with a few touches, ripping apart and destroying the empty displays and taking a water filled bucket with an orange fish and carefully places it in a ender chest he summoned before getting a few more items into it, and then he lets a young calf out of its cage another cage stands empty beside it.

He really wanted to know how the blue sheep got out of that cage…

Then when he is done he walks back towards the portal, the sound of hoofs against stone can be heard behind him, indicating the calf was following him.

He stops by the sheep it's eyes never left him for a second, it lets out a low huff at him as he begins to look through his bag smiling sadly at the farm animals as he fishes out two leads, it would be too dangerous to go through the nether with them.

The animals didn’t do anything against him putting the loose rope around their necks.

(‘Not like last time when he stole them away from the people that loved them’)

He hesitates as he turns his head to look at the pedestals, the discs are almost taunting him, after a long minute he walks up towards the one on the right, hesitating again as he moves a hand towards it.

(‘They wouldn’t believe me’)

He lifts his gaze from his shaking hand to his reflection, the cuts still slightly bleeding.

(‘They wouldn’t trust me….’)

They probably wouldn’t even wanna listen to his words anymore, his shaking expression turns into a half-hearted one.

This isn’t about his sad existence anymore.

He shifts his eyes towards the ground.

Now it was only about fixing everything that could be fixed.

Now everything was about family, a family Dream knew he would never be a part of.

He let out a sad hum as he looked up, and he finally picks up the disc, staring at it shortly with a now fondly expression before putting it away in his bag, walking over and picking the other one up faster than the first, tracing a finger across the green color on it before putting it away too.

He turns towards the animals at the end of the long leads he had tight to his belt, taking them in his hands again he gives a small soft smile before walking towards the elevator platform.

It went really smooth, the pain in his body was the only thing making him slow down, as he made his way out of the secret base and towards his docked boat the sun was at its mid point in the sky its shining light felt nice on his mutilated face, (he had taken a small bite of a golden apple on his way up, even if he though he didn’t deserve it, he couldn’t let himself get an infection right now) he only have to stop when the animals began jumping around almost tangling him up in the leashes, he lets out a low painted wheeze from their action.

The armor wearing male stops a few more times too let the animals eat some grass and get fresh water from a pond, both things way better than the dry hay and warm water they had had for around a month.

It took around half an hour to get to the medium sized boat, the calf lazily jumped in the boat when it had been pushed softly towards it.

But the sheep….the sheep wasn’t that happy about going on a sea adventure.

“Come on you!” Dream tried to get behind the blue colored animal again trying to push it towards the boat as he had done with the calf, but the sheep was quite stubborn and kept walking away.

“Hey!” Dream shouts as the sheep dug down and ran between his legs to escape again, making the young adult fall flat on his face when the leash tugged him off balance, making him let out a long ‘oof’ as the air in his lungs left.

Yeah that definitely opened the wounds again, but he wasn’t up for caring right now..

The way the dry grass trickled his neck and fingers makes Dream pause as he tries to pick himself up, sitting on his knees his gaze lands on the blue calm waves of the ocean the sun making the water shine sending a feeling of peace and a shiver through his spine.

A memory sneaks its way into his mind, closing his eyes, a sad frown forms on his scared lips, he remembers back to one of the first weeks in his new found land.

———————

“Dude Look at this!” The voice could be heard from behind a small hill, making Dream sprint up it, sweat uncomfortably making his lime green hoodie cling to his skin, they had been chopping trees for a few hours now.

Dream reaches the top and lets out a long whistle at the sight of a long soft sandy beach, a few palm trees and a big beautiful expanded blue ocean “wow.. now that's nice” Dream says as he looks down to a black haired male with a white bandanna around his head sweats going down their forehead a clear sign of hours of hard physical work, the male turns his head at Dreams voice, red-ish brown eyes meeting two small black dots and a smile on a white smooth mask. 

“Yeah and i just decided i'm going to take a break” the male says as he folds his arms behind his head Dream lets out a sigh “Sap we still need to do more work, and George is probably cursing our whole existence right now for baling on him in the middle of a forest”

Sapnap jogs up to Dream and swings a strong arm over the taller males shoulders giving him a mischievous smile “that's his fault!” 

“How is it his fault?” Dream says, trying to hold back a chuckle as he is being dragged down to the beach, Sapnap turns to look at him after he had been looking back at the forest they just came from.

Giving the green wearing male a serious face “because you know..” seriousness turns into a smug grin “his George” Sap wiggles his eyebrows as he says the last part, and Dream lets out a confused laugh “Sap that doesn’t make sense at all?!”

“I know!” The arm around his shoulders disappears.

The salty water is nipping at their boots now and they both are looking over the shiny blue water, dolphins can be seen jumping out the water farther out, the breeze carrying the smell of salt and seaweed.

It takes Dream a few seconds to get his breathing under control again after giggling at his best friend's chaoticness and steps back a little to sit down on the sand, Sapnap following his example.

And they sit there, the breeze blowing through their exposed hair and skin sending small shivers through the two young adults as they talk about the future of the land, what to build and who to invite.

“This place is gonna be amazing” Dream whispers Sapnap turns his head to look at him “with you as leader….this place definitely will be amazing!”

A beat of silence goes by.

Then Dream pushes up his mask, soft emotional bright green eyes looks back at the other with a genuine smile.

“Thanks Sap...needed to hear that..”

Sapnap returns the smile with one of his own.

“Anytime buddy…”

Pushing the mask back down they both go back to looking at the waves in silence.

Right now it's just Dream, Sapnap and George, after being selected leader by his two best friends Dream have ideas and worries floating around in his head.

Rules was one of the biggest ones nagging at him painfully, he wants this to be a free and happy place, but he needed rules too, rules that definitely would get in the way of said freedom, but he needs to have at least a few.

And he knows there will always be people that wouldn’t like a specific rule.

He wants everyone to be happy, but he doesn’t want chaos either.

He just wants to make everyone around him feel happy, he lets out a sigh. 

Leadership is hard.

But hey he still had a few months to plan everything before Bad joins them, he can’t wait to see his friend again.

Then the sound of someone clearing their throat makes Dream turn his head back towards the forest line.

George is standing on the small hill with an iron axe in one hand and the other hand on his hip, his goggles resting on his forehead. They look close to falling down.

Sweat spots coating his blue t-shirt, his brown hair is going out in every direction in a confusing mess as his shoulders go up and down indicating he’s taking deep breaths of air, he looks utterly exhausted.

But the thing Dream is paying attention to is the death glare George is sending them clearly pissed about getting left behind with no explanation.

He feels a shiver go through his spine as he slowly lifts a hand and pokes a distracted Sapnap that hadn’t hear anything and was leaning his head back arms supporting his upper body as he sunbathes with a relaxed smile, he turns his head towards Dream when he continued to poke his shoulder in quick beats, when Dream isn’t looking at him Sapnap bends his head back and sees an upside down George glaring at him.

“Oh hey Gogy! Sorry about stealing yeh Dream didn’t know you would get lonely that fast” he says in a plain tone as a sly smile is on his face he is clearly having fun, Dream lets out a snort as George’s face becomes more red from Sapnap’s words.

“Welp lo-OKS LIKE IT'S TIME FOR ME TO G-! MEET YOU BACK AT THE CABIN!!!!” Sapnap says to Dream slowly before turning the words in panic as George begins sprinting towards him, the black haired squealed the last few sentences as he jumps up and begins running down the beach with a cursing George right behind him, leaving a wheezing Dream rolling around in the sand alone on the beach.

——————

The feeling of sand between his fingers is calming for Dream as he looks out over the ocean.

The sun is going down.

Taking a deep breathe he unclips the mask from his belt, no matter if the sun has been shining on it or its been laying near lava for hours it would always be cold to the touch, it's a simple clay mask the only special thing about it was the enchantment that made him see through it without having to carve holes, holes that would let people see his eyes.

People say that the eyes are the gateway into people’s souls, they can show so much, even if the person never wanted to show anything.

Sapnap and Callahan are the only people that had ever seen his face…..

Well the only people that are still alive, Dream moved the mask around in between his hands, its two dotted eyes and smile looking back at him, the weak reflection of himself almost aligned itself perfectly with the mask's unsettling face.

(‘Monster…….’)

He can feel fresh tears in his eyes trying to escape his dull green eyes.

He really was a monster wasn’t he?

Dream closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before slowly lifting the mask to his face, he can’t show anyone his face now more than ever, can’t let them see that they finally broke the big bad monster.

He wasn’t scared of them laughing or being happy from his misery.

No.

He was scared that they wouldn’t celebrate it.

He's scared that…..they would feel bad, that they would see that he's hurting.

He doesn’t wanna show them his face, because he thinks he doesn’t deserve pity or forgiveness anymore.

Monsters don't deserve love.

He lets out all the air in his lungs when the feeling of the cold smooth surface touches his still fresh scared face, his lungs making an uncomfortable twist for the lack of air before he lets in more and stands up.

He processes to dust his dark gray leggings free of any stray sand that was stuck on them.

Okay no more self pity he had to get going, Dream turns his head too look at the blue sheep that was standing a few blocks away minding its own business eating grass, the calf has long since fallen asleep on the deck of his boat.

With a new determined energy going through his very weak body Dream walks over to the fluffy animal and stops beside it placing both his hands on his hips contemplating about how he can make any progress with his situation.

Only one idea made its way through his brain.

‘Here goes nothing..’ he thinks to himself as he lowers his arms and sneaks them under the sheeps fluffy belly and lifts it up in one quick motion the animal lets out a startled sound as it gets picked up, it begins thrashing around for a few seconds before it realized that it wouldn’t get it anywhere and it goes limp almost like a cat.

Its action makes Dream think about a old pet of his...he closes his eyes hugging the sheep closer burying his mask in the blue wool letting out a sigh, he shoves the memory away as soon as it comes to his mind.

He really doesn’t wanna cry anymore today.

He walked over and onto the boat, the wood letting out a creaking sound in protest from him and the sheeps weight.

He let the sheep down, still holding it for a second to be sure it wouldn’t jump off, and when it seemed to stay put he placed a hand on its head giving it a good scratch behind its ear before walking over to unbind the rope that was keeping the boat still, and then moves over to move the sail.

The wind took hold of the fabric quickly but surely taking the boat north.

Dream’s legs give out from under him and he collapses to the wooden deck.

He moves to hug his knees to his chest using his arms as a pillow, and closes his eyes tightly.

He needs to fix his mistakes, but how? It can’t be enough to just give back the items and animals he took..

Everyone hates him, nobody trusts him anymore, he lied and even manipulated some of them.

He used Ranboo when he was in that sleepwalking state of his, and destroyed his memory book the poor kid had not been seen for two weeks after he did that, and for what?

Just to get Ranboo to spie on the other members writing down for him everything everyone has been doing, Dream knows about Quackity and his ‘butcher army’ he knows that Phil is sneaking out.

He knows Nikki and Jack wanted to kill a child.

He knows about Karl and his time traveling shenanigans.

He lets out a low groan.

He had been pissed when he found out.

Karl was doing something incredible stupide, what if he fucked something up?! What if he changed something historical.

That's when Dream contacted….Sam and asked him to begin building that prison, a prison that should never have been built..

Because Dream understands Karl’s motive now, he finally sees why Karl is risking his own life.

The kid is doing it for his family, risking his own memories to fix what Dream has destroyed.

Dream moves his shoulders, the muscles are sore from being stuck in the same position for too long, he hugs his knees closer to himself and takes a shaky breath.

He had wanted to lock Karl up in the prison, the idea makes him feel sick in his stomach now.

What had he been thinking? 

The feeling of something warm laying down against his side makes him move one of his arms un instinct, stroking it softly over blue wool, his fingers getting tangled in it, as he is trapped with his sorrowful thoughts.

Tommy is with Techno, Tubbo is leading L’manburg…

He needs to let go….

‘I don’t wanna be here’ he thought, but he knew he couldn’t just leave everyone like this, he needs to do something even if no one wants him around anymore.

He could help from a distance, just until he fixed as much as he could.

Then he’ll think of what to do after.

‘Okay one thing at the time Dream’ he leans his head down onto the soft material at his side, the feeling of his head getting lifted up and down from the motion of breathing makes him relax a little.

First he's gonna give back the stuff and animals he took, then.. 

He takes a moment to think.

One of the rules he had made was that all hybrids have to wear a bracelet that keeps their hybrid side in check, like Ranboo making him smaller and unable to teleport, making Fundy, Bad, and Techno lose their extra strength and have a more human-like form.

Making Phil unable to heal his wings and Quackity too heavy to glide with his.

The braces makes them have to loss half of themself which Dream knows most be torture for most, but the braces wasn’t all bad.

It helped Sam be in control of his explosive side, and Sapnap hold back his uncontrollable hell fire, it helped Eret so he could hug and touch other living creatures without being worried of harming them.

But still the braces are keeping a side of themselves locked away.

Dream closes his eyes, he has to break the control rune, make it so people can choose if they want to keep their powers locked away or not.

Yes he made that rule to make sure that the humans didn’t feel threatened by the others, but the last couple of months has shown that he shouldn’t worry, the way everyone has been interacting with each other has been enough proof to him.

He never should have had the right to choose for them.

He lays his arms over the wooly animal and stretches his legs out so he is fully laying down on the blue sheep.

“.....this is nice…” he whispers and he receives a low huff in return.

Dream doesn’t wanna think about the other things he needs to do right now, he can do it when he has dealt with the animals and unlocked the braces before thinking about anything else.

His netherite armor feels uncomfortable but that doesn’t stop his eyelids from growing heavy and the young adult lets out a long yawn as he slowly drifts off to sleep, the sound of a steady heart beat is the last thing he hears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey im really really sorri it took so long i just wanted to be sure it was gonna be a good read :<
> 
> Plz forgive?
> 
> You can leave a kudo and comment if you think this story is gonna be interesting, I already have a whole lot planed just wait! 
> 
> I definitely can’t wait too see you guys reaction to specific scenes >:3
> 
> Welp cya!

**Author's Note:**

> Welp thats the first chapter, im nervous, hope you liked it...
> 
> welp ima go back to ma dark corner an keep writing :,3


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